Time with Desmond

Hello Friends and Family,

I’d like to tell you about Desmond.  Desmond is now 33 hours old.  Desmond’s torso is about the size of my outstretched hand.  His legs are about the same length.  His head is smaller than my clenched fist.  Today, as he was sleeping and growing in the incubator, I put my hand over him, very, very gently.  His entire chest and arms fit under my palm.  My hand made him rest, and he slept just a little warmer.

Desmond has peach fuzz on his tiny little body.  It is so precious that I don’t have the words to describe it.  If he were to grab my thumb with his little hand, it would wrap around just the finger nail.  The doctors have started him on a very small dose of caffeine because he is so young and new to the world that sometimes he forgets to breathe. The caffeine helps his body remember to breathe.  The things we take for granted…

This feeling of fatherhood, of motherhood, is still so surreal.  We know that we’re parents.. we know that we have a son.. but the feeling of parenthood isn’t fully there because we can’t hold him against our chest and lull him to sleep.  We get to see him, talk to him, touch him, but at some point we have to leave him so that the nurses can care for him, and he can grow and get big and strong, just like daddy.  It’s so, so, sooo very difficult for Tanya and I because all we want is him here with us.

We’re so beside ourselves that we don’t know what to do.  We feel helpless.  I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do but spend a precious few hours with him, talk to him, gently place my hand over his little body.  And wait.  And pray.  And then take care of my wife.  And repeat.  When Tanya talks about him, she cries, because we are not able to be together all the time.  It is going to be a difficult ten weeks.

So here’s the part where I try and make it a happy ending.  My mom and sister came over today and had a surprise mini-baby shower (just the four of us).  We continue to be so blessed with all of the generosity and support that our family and friends are showing us.  Thank you.  And thank you work + boss for this time off to be with my family.  Most importantly, thank you Lord for sustaining us and for giving us hope.

We love you guys.  Until tomorrow,

Nick, Tanya and the D-man

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8 thoughts on “Time with Desmond

  1. Hi Nick and Tanya, as i was reading your post, i couldn’t help but cry. I know how hard it must be for you and Tanya not to be able to care for Des..not to be able to carry him and hug him…but believe that he will be with you the soonest. We love you both and Des . We will not stop praying for Des for his health, Tanya for comfort and to you Nick for being a good husband and a father. Just hang on!

  2. Hi Nick, hi, Tanya.
    How deep can the feelings of a person be!
    In times like this, the true “I” arises. We can see that what you are going through really, really hurts.
    The God of all consolation is with you. The Holy Spirit is talking to you with little whispers of comfort.
    He knows what you are going through and be sure that little Desmond is responding to every little whisper that you share with him.
    Even this shall pass and you three will come out of this situation stronger and with a testimony to share!
    We will continue to keep you in our prayers.
    Liza’s mom,
    Margo!

  3. Johnny and I continue to have you all in prayers. You have a little miracle who is a fighter. We love you guys.

  4. Dearest Nick & Tanya and Baby Desmond. Our hearts go out to you right now and are amazed at the power of God and the faith and trust that is so evident in your lives. We love you and are praying for protection for the three of you. Happy 1st Easter to the 3 of you. May God shower you with such great love- We rejoice in the life of Desmond.

    WIth all our love,
    L&D

  5. Hey guys. Not sure if my previous comment went through. Wanted to let you know we are here for you. We continue praying for strength and grace through this moment you are going through. I can’t imagine what you are going through but as a parent I can understand the immense love you both have for Desmond. I know you feel helpless but know baby Desmond can feel your love and presence. We love you guys. The great thing is God is holding Desmond with the palm of his hands. He’s a fighter. Hope to see you all soon.

  6. Dear Tanya and Nick,

    We are so happy for you two.and Desmond. Keep your faith in God , God will not abandon you. NIck Your
    letter was beautiful !~ You are an inspiration to everyone who reads it. I have never been so proud of a grandson in my life.
    Diane has a grandson, now 9 years old , a bright caring boy , named Clay. He was born prematurely and weighed 3#’s at birth . We have watched him play on a basketball team , and he is as strong , and as fast as any on the other kids. He is an “A” student . Desmond will be like that also. .
    We will keep praying for all of you.

    Grandpa Lolo ( Chuck) And Diane

  7. Mama Judy, thank you! Love you!
    Mama Rademacher, thank you for the encouragement. Amen!
    Noelia and Jonny, it is so great to have you in our lives. We love you too.. and yes it will be good to see you soon.
    Liza, I needed that. Happy Easter! Christ is risen!
    Grandpa and Diane, Amen!! I’m sure Desmond will be like that as well!

    Happy Easter everyone! Jesus lives!

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