Hello Friends and Family,
I’d like to tell you about Desmond. Desmond is now 33 hours old. Desmond’s torso is about the size of my outstretched hand. His legs are about the same length. His head is smaller than my clenched fist. Today, as he was sleeping and growing in the incubator, I put my hand over him, very, very gently. His entire chest and arms fit under my palm. My hand made him rest, and he slept just a little warmer.
Desmond has peach fuzz on his tiny little body. It is so precious that I don’t have the words to describe it. If he were to grab my thumb with his little hand, it would wrap around just the finger nail. The doctors have started him on a very small dose of caffeine because he is so young and new to the world that sometimes he forgets to breathe. The caffeine helps his body remember to breathe. The things we take for granted…
This feeling of fatherhood, of motherhood, is still so surreal. We know that we’re parents.. we know that we have a son.. but the feeling of parenthood isn’t fully there because we can’t hold him against our chest and lull him to sleep. We get to see him, talk to him, touch him, but at some point we have to leave him so that the nurses can care for him, and he can grow and get big and strong, just like daddy. It’s so, so, sooo very difficult for Tanya and I because all we want is him here with us.
We’re so beside ourselves that we don’t know what to do. We feel helpless. I feel helpless because there is nothing I can do but spend a precious few hours with him, talk to him, gently place my hand over his little body. And wait. And pray. And then take care of my wife. And repeat. When Tanya talks about him, she cries, because we are not able to be together all the time. It is going to be a difficult ten weeks.
So here’s the part where I try and make it a happy ending. My mom and sister came over today and had a surprise mini-baby shower (just the four of us). We continue to be so blessed with all of the generosity and support that our family and friends are showing us. Thank you. And thank you work + boss for this time off to be with my family. Most importantly, thank you Lord for sustaining us and for giving us hope.
We love you guys. Until tomorrow,
Nick, Tanya and the D-man