I feel like I am in limbo. In between the uncertain. I don’t know what to do except do what I know to do. Before, when people would tell me about the hardships they’ve gone through, I think to myself, “Wow, I don’t know if I would ever be able to handle that. It seems soooo hard.” Then I find myself in a situation I never would have imagined myself to be in. It feels so heavy. So hard. And still, I get up to pump and go to work (I went back to work part-time). Visit our little Des at the hospital, go home, and do it all over again. Sometimes I think, “I just want this to end. Lord, please let me just wake up and Desmond is home and everything is good.” But it’s not that way. It’s so easy to just give up. But I can’t. There’s no pausing, no stopping. There’s no moment to think about, “How the heck can I handle this.” I just do. I have to, because right now, my son can’t fight for himself. Nick and I have to. The dark days are really dark. But God has been our light. There’s nothing else to do but hold on to His promises of healing.
I’m just posting about what’s been going on in my head right now. It’s hard not to worry. And when I start doing it, I have to remind myself to just pray. I’m going to keep praying until something happens. It’s a bit of an emotional post I guess, so I’ll just leave you guys for now with good news about our little Des and some photos.
Our little warrior is now 4 pounds and 4 ounces, and is not in an incubator anymore! He’s in a crib! He was moved to a crib two days ago and it was such a great milestone for him. Not only that, he has started breastfeeding and he’s doing so good at it. He’s also wearing onesies now. He is so cute and precious. There are no words for it. He is starting to look like a mix of Nick and I. Initially it was all Nick. Now more and more people are saying that he looks like me. That makes me smile. There are more updates on him but we’ll post about that later. For now we just want to share with you how grateful and happy we are that he is growing like he’s supposed to. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.
- My little big boy is taking in more milk now that I can’t keep up. Please pray that my milk production increases so my little boy gets all the nourishment that he needs.
- Pray for completeness and wholeness over Des. That there will be no developmental delays. That he runs and walks and talks and learns exceptionally.
- Pray against any sicknesses or infections over Des as he stays at the NICU.
- For strength and perseverance, comfort and peace over Nick and I as we go through NICU parenting.
- For God to manifest miracles over our little Desmond.
We again, would like to thank you all for praying with us. This is a big hill we’re climbing and we need all your prayers so we can get through this.
Love you all!
PS. My face is almost back to normal! I can smile again without anyone thinking I’m smirking at them! YAY! Pretty soon I can wear my contacts without fear that my eye would dry out. Thank you Lord! And thank you all for your prayers! One answered prayer down… more to go. 🙂
PPS. Nick and I celebrated our 6th year anniversary on May 6th. It also marks the day that our Des turned a month old! God is good!