You Just Do

I feel like I am in limbo. In between the uncertain. I don’t know what to do except do what I know to do. Before, when people would tell me about the hardships they’ve gone through, I think to myself, “Wow, I don’t know if I would ever be able to handle that. It seems soooo hard.” Then I find myself in a situation I never would have imagined myself to be in. It feels so heavy. So hard. And still, I get up to pump and go to work (I went back to work part-time). Visit our little Des at the hospital, go home, and do it all over again. Sometimes I think, “I just want this to end. Lord, please let me just wake up and Desmond is home and everything is good.” But it’s not that way. It’s so easy to just give up. But I can’t. There’s no pausing, no stopping. There’s no moment to think about, “How the heck can I handle this.” I just do. I have to, because right now, my son can’t fight for himself. Nick and I have to. The dark days are really dark. But God has been our light. There’s nothing else to do but hold on to His promises of healing.

I’m just posting about what’s been going on in my head right now. It’s hard not to worry. And when I start doing it, I have to remind myself to just pray. I’m going to keep praying until something happens. It’s a bit of an emotional post I guess, so I’ll just leave you guys for now with good news about our little Des and some photos.

Our little warrior is now 4 pounds and 4 ounces,  and is not in an incubator anymore! He’s in a crib! He was moved to a crib two days ago and it was such a great milestone for him. Not only that, he has started breastfeeding and he’s doing so good at it. He’s also wearing onesies now. He is so cute and precious. There are no words for it. He is starting to look like a mix of Nick and I. Initially it was all Nick. Now more and more people are saying that he looks like me. That makes me smile.  There are more updates on him but we’ll post about that later. For now we just want to share with you how grateful and happy we are that he is growing like he’s supposed to. We are so blessed to have him in our lives.

Des on his first day in his crib. Ready for a blizzard! They wrap him up real well as they wean him off the incubator.

Smiling Des! (Not sure if he’s really smiling at me or just pooping. ha!)

Contemplating the things of this world. :-p

Prayer Requests:

  • My little big boy is taking in more milk now that I can’t keep up. Please pray that my milk production increases so my little boy gets all the nourishment that he needs.
  • Pray for completeness and wholeness over Des. That there will be no developmental delays. That he runs and walks and talks and learns exceptionally.
  • Pray against any sicknesses or infections over Des as he stays at the NICU.
  • For strength and perseverance, comfort and peace over Nick and I as we go through NICU parenting.
  • For God to manifest miracles over our little Desmond.

We again, would like to thank you all for praying with us. This is a big hill we’re climbing and we need all your prayers so we can get through this.

Love you all!

MamaPandesal

PS. My face is almost back to normal! I can smile again without anyone thinking I’m smirking at them! YAY! Pretty soon I can wear my contacts without fear that my eye would dry out. Thank you Lord! And thank you all for your prayers! One answered prayer down… more to go. 🙂

PPS. Nick and I celebrated our 6th year anniversary on May 6th. It also marks the day that our Des turned a month old! God is good!

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11 thoughts on “You Just Do

  1. I love him. He is so sweet. Tanya, you are a real trooper and Nick is too. You can do this!! Happy 6th Anniversary!!! That is amazing that Des is breastfeeding – that is a big milestone right there and a nice break from the pump.

  2. He’s so precious. He has reached great milestones. So proud of him and for you and Nick pressing on and fighting for him. Like you say it feel like you want to rest but you both keep going because he needs you and you just do it. So proud of the both of you. Glad your face is getting back to normal. Prayers continue to go for you all three. Happy 6th Anniversary:). Love you guys.

  3. Hi Tanya, Nick and Des!
    Praise God for His faithfulness in your lives! It’s great to hear from all of you again. We will continue to pray for you. Take care always………Tita Carla, Tito Abdul and Caleb

  4. Tanya you’re amazing and you will get through this. In the midst of trial it seems so hard and that you won’t get through but you will. Nick you’re an amazing support for Tanya and Desmond. She needs it so make sure you love, hug and kiss her more than you ever have before. Des was given to you both specifically and what a great gift he is Thank god for the doctors and nurses that Desmond has. Pray for them and wisdom in working with you and him. You will get through this— you’re little warrior made a great debut and what a story he will have one day. Love U both. Tanya if you need to
    Chat let me know. I’m available. Hugs!!

  5. Baby Desmond is precious, Tanya. In the second picture, whatever he’s doing doesn’t really matter. That smile is pure joy. 😀

    I haven’t been back since my injury and I am so sorry to learn that you have had to deal with another bad turn, with the palsy and all. I’m glad that you are better now and that the little charmer is doing great!

    And I love what you said in one of the entries Tanya, how you are just waiting, knowing God will somehow amaze you yet.

    hugging the three of you with love and prayers. 🙂

  6. Happy 6th yr wedding anniversary Tanya and Nick. Desmond is getting cuter and cuter each day. Will continue to pray for Papa Nick, Mama Tanya and baby Des. Just a few more wks and Des will be home.
    Happy Mother’s day Tanya!

  7. I am so happy to hear that he’s nursing! How wonderful that you can have a break from pumping. Your body will start to respond to his increased demand for more milk and make it for him, but it does take some time to catch up. But even if he’s supplemented with formula, the fact that you’ve been almost exclusively pumping for this long AND still have the supply and motivation to do it…wow. You’re a hero, Tanya.

  8. I’m so glad to see he is growing and doing better! U guys are still in my prayers and I’m sure he will be up and running and u guys will be kissing his little boo boos and bumps before u know it!

  9. He is such a handsome dude! Praise the Lord your beautiful face is still beautiful and back to normal! 🙂 🙂 We are praying for you guys!!!…. please let me know if there is anything I can help with! Where do you guys live? I could drop off dinner one of these nights if you want!?

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